http://jokefunny.com/pic.shtml?jokegross.jpg
http://jokefunny.com/file.shtml?jokenaughty.html http://jokefunny.com/pic.shtml?jokemouse.jpg

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if practice makes pefect and nobody's perfect dosent that mean that nobody practices?
if u think that anything is possible then you obviously havent tryed slamming a revolving door.
rehab is for quiters

Bill Clinton

Last winter Bill Clinton was going for his jog when he noticed "Die Bill Clinton, Die" written in urine in the snow.

He asked the Secret Service to analyze it.

The Secret Service said that they had good news and they had bad news.

Bill said, "Give me the good news first."

"The good news is that it was Al Gores urine."

"What!", he exclaimed, "If that is the Good news, then what could be the bad?"

They replied "It was Hillary's hand writing."

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if practice makes pefect and nobody's perfect dosent that mean that nobody practices?
if u think that anything is possible then you obviously havent tryed slamming a revolving door.
rehab is for quiters

Grandpa

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in hospital.

"How are you grandpa? he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge.

"What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

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if practice makes pefect and nobody's perfect dosent that mean that nobody practices?
if u think that anything is possible then you obviously havent tryed slamming a revolving door.
rehab is for quiters

Premature Solution
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor.

The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit me really hard where it counts most and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

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if practice makes pefect and nobody's perfect dosent that mean that nobody practices?
if u think that anything is possible then you obviously havent tryed slamming a revolving door.
rehab is for quiters

Church

A mother took her little boy to church.

While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'."

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

The Father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."

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if practice makes pefect and nobody's perfect dosent that mean that nobody practices?
if u think that anything is possible then you obviously havent tryed slamming a revolving door.
rehab is for quiters

Blondie

Three blondes are walking through the forest. They come upon some tracks.

The first blonde says "They're deer tracks."

The second blonde says "They're bear tracks."

The third blonde says "They're moose tracks."

Then a train hits them.

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if practice makes pefect and nobody's perfect dosent that mean that nobody practices?
if u think that anything is possible then you obviously havent tryed slamming a revolving door.
rehab is for quiters

heard all the jokes before

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:bitch to Coren. I :bitch to Coren.

Tourist

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and an extra thousand for the story behind it."

"At that price, you can keep the story," he replies, "but I'll take the bronze rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him.

Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars... following him.

Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill he panics and starts to run full tilt.

No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes racing to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve blocks long is behind him.

Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a lamp post, grasping it with one arm, while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay as far as he can throw it.

Pulling his legs up and clinging to the post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.

Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.

"Ah sir, you've come back for the story," says the owner.

"No," says the tourist, "I was just hoping you had a bronze sculpture of a lawyer "

__________________
if practice makes pefect and nobody's perfect dosent that mean that nobody practices?
if u think that anything is possible then you obviously havent tryed slamming a revolving door.
rehab is for quiters

geez, cut the 6-in-a-row posting. except for the first, they were 1 minute apart form each other. you can edit. consider this a warning.

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this is scary
http://jokefunny.com/pic.shtml?jokefreaky.gif
sorry diablo i dident see your post

__________________
if practice makes pefect and nobody's perfect dosent that mean that nobody practices?
if u think that anything is possible then you obviously havent tryed slamming a revolving door.
rehab is for quiters