The following is one of my favourite parts of the book, from the chapter called "Consentual Crimes encourage Real Crimes."
"Consider the following example: The police are chasing a real criminal, a murderer, say, and he disappears into a twelve-unity apartment building. The police know that the criminal is in one of the apartments. But which one? A quick search of each apartment will, by process of elimination, quickly reveal the criminal.
The police knock at apartment #1. Inside, an alumnus of the Haight-Ashbury scene, now 63, is at work on his third doctoral thesis. He's about to open the door, but when he hears that it's the police, he remembers a box in the closet containing his antique drug collection (featuring a microdot of genuine Owsley Purple Haze), which he has been saving for the Recreational Pharmacuetical Museum he plans to open just as soon as drugs are legalized. He decides that the police might not appreciate the rich heritage contained in that box, so he doesn't open the door.
In apartment #2, the twice-mounthly meeting of the Free Love Society is well under way and, when they hear that it's the police, they don't even consider opening the door.
In occupant of apartment #3 is engaged in her twice-nightly meeting of the Paid Love Society and wouldn't dream of voluntarily opening the door to the police, either.
It apartment #4, a group of heterosexual men are watching a Judy Garland movie. When they hear it's the police, there is a frantic dash to find the video tape of Super Bowl XXVII highlights. "It's too late," one says, "they already heard the singing." "They'll never believe we're straight," says another. "What shall we do?" "Let's call Ron Reagan, Jr. He'll know how to get us out of this." They deceide not to asnwer the door and wait until the police go away go Judy can go on signing.
In apartment #5 is a poker game. No answer.
In apartment #6 live five polygamists and their twelve children (who make up for the lack of family values in all the other apartments). Afraid that the children will not be able to accurately identify a single mama and a single papa (this is truly the house of the mamas and papars), the polygamists ignore the police. In addition, the children have learned an iportant lesson in how to treat the police.
In apartment #7 is the weekly meeting of the First Church of Obi-Wan Kenobi. After decipherting the real meaning of the Obi-Wan Kenobi (Oh, be one. Know. Be.), the members gather together to worship various Star Wars characters. They would no more let the police into their worship of Luke than they would ask emissaries of the Empire to join in the sacred Jedi ceremony.
In apartment #8, Dr. Quackenbush is experimenting with some new healing paraphernalia which he just imported from Switzerland (or from the set of The Bride of Frankenstein-it is hard to tell). Two years ago, just before he was about to discover the secret of immorality (he had already discovered the secret of immorality, and what good is one without the other?), the police had come in under the authority of the DFA and seized his equipment. He was not about to let it happen again. He does not open the door.
The occupant of apartment #9 has the most extensive pornography collection in, well, the entire building. As a woman once pointed out, "everything that is not socks in a man's sock drawer is pornography." The occupant has a lot of sock drawyers - and only pair of socks (black). Like the Metropolian Museum of Art, he has room to display only a small part of his collection at a time. What is currently displayed, however, is not sufficient cause for the occuplant of #9 to quickly evaluate whether or not to open the door to the police; he glances at the poster of Cindy Barr, and decides, "No."
Mrs. Elvira Shootlemeyer, a widow, lives in apartment #10. Mrs. Shootlemeyer has a truly unusual are remarkably unpopular political view: she wants to see Richard Nixon re-elcted president of the United States. Her walls are covered with posters she carefully hand-lettered: "For pardoned him. Jesus forgave him. Why can't you?" "He wouldn't dare do anything again," "Re-elect Nixon - just for the hell of it," and "Nixon-Bush in '96." Her political organization (CREEPA: The Committee to Re-Elect the President Again) has seven members, Mrs. Shootlemeyer and her six cats. When she hears the police at the door, she recalls that it was the police who caught the Watergate burglers and started all the trouble in the first place. She refuses to answer the door.
In apartment #11 lives Bertha D. Nation, a former NBA basketball center who is now a transvestite of transformational proportions. When hearing his/her five-ince stiletto heels (the ones custom-made by Frederick's of Hollywood in consultation with the Army Corps of Engineers), she/he is over seven feet tall. She/He has learned to stay away from the police and low-hanging chandeliers.
Meanwhile, in apartment #12, the sought-after criminal is listening to Schubert while burning the clothes he wore and systematically destroying any other evidence that could possibly link him to the murder.
Time was when people cooperated with the police fully, openly, immediately. If the police inquired about a friend or relative, it was assumed that the friend or relative was the innocent victim of a crime and the police were trying to help. Now there is the fear that the friend of relative might have been involved in a consensual crime. Our frank and immediate cooperation with the authorities might just help put a friend or relative in jail. Even though we may not personally approve of our friends' or relatives' extracurricular activities, and in fact, may think it's best that they didn't take part in them, we don't want them to go to jail, and we certainly don't want to help put them there. Having a friend or relative in jail is hard enough; having helped put him or her there can be intolerable.
As most people at one time or another have taken part in one consensual crime or another, the respect given to law enforement officers has seriously eroded. A Robin Hood mentality has people identifying more with the criminals than with the police - who seem to be acting increasingly like the Sheriff of Nottingham."
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