These are some songs I've written. Some are for my band and some are for my one-girl-with-a-guitar-signing-even-though-she-sucks-at-it thing.
My band is like... light hardcore punk. Ha. If that exists... and my solo thing is very much folky emo. Think dashboard confessional or bright eyes only female and without all the talent!
And... some are true, some are not... like, I completely made up "The Best Nights of Our Lives," but "Caitie" is all true.

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My Holy Book

There is no such thing as eternal bliss
But if scribbling it down made it real, I would write a holy book
And your name would be the title
I'd turn the pages as I dusted the snow
From my ragged, matted hair
Now that you're nowhere to be found
This empty house is starting
To feel like an empty home
I searched this place in and out
I tore down the walls and I raided the empty cabinets
I screamed but the only answer
Was the sad, lonely echo of my frail voice
I can't quite remember
If you're real or if I ripped you from a magazine
Either way, you're not mine to claim
I hate the wicked way
We're perfect for each other on paper
But books don't translate to flesh
And the pages of this handwritten holy literature
Are fading away with the days
I am constantly in need
Cause without you I am not so sure that I exist...
I only remember when I burn my own flesh
With the frozen tip of the lighter that you gave to me
I thought you knew I didn't smoke
Maybe you knew that I was a pathetic mascochists
I'm not so sure I'm real
Unless it hurts like it did when I first remembered
That I'd completely made you up
Pulled your name and picture at total random
You're just the person that I want you to be
You're not much more to me
What are you really like
Do you take pictures of the sky?
Abandon soldiers at their final hour
To visit with their fathers?
Cause without you I am not so sure that I exist
Now that I know you're just pretend
Just the man I've made you in my head
How do I know that I'm not too?
I'm not sure about anything when you're not around
But you're never around
And this empty house is starting to feel....
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ....so much like an empty home.


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The Best Nights of Our Lives

It's a long way from New York City to Venice Beach
It's a long way from home
But it's this distance between us
That's growing us further apart
But keeping us closer than we ever used to be

It's a long drive from New York City to Venice Beach
It's a long drive home
But these are the best nights of our lives
With the flashing lights and the real quaint towns
Lying in your lap while you're behind the wheel
The top down and my feet hanging off the side of the car
Keep your eyes on the road
But keep them on me

It's a long way from New York City to Venice Beach
And there's a lot of things in between
Keeping us apart but driving us together
Isn't it funny how even when everything changes
Some things stay the same

It's a long drive from New York City to Venice Beach
It's a long drive home
But home's just another word
For 3,000 miles away
Yeah you can't get away from East L.A.
Too bad that's so far from the east coast
'Cause it's a long drive from New York City to Venice Beach
But there's some nice pitstops in between

It's a long way from New York City to Venice Beach
It's a long way home
But this drive doesn't seem so long
When I've still got sand between my toes
And I'm cruisin' down the L.I.E.

It's a long drive from New York City to Venice Beach
It's a long drive home
But these are the best nights of our lives
Stopping off in Vegas to see if in that magic city
Anybody's got a little time to sell
If they could bottle that they'd make it illegal
I can't forget these are the best nights of my life
And a roadtrip every once in a while isn't gonna change
Just how much I'm always gonna love you

We can drive together
'Cause after all
It's a long drive from Venice Beach to New York City
And this distance
It's just daring us to make it
To make these miles
Just a couple steps
Compared to how far I'd drive alone
Just to be by you


---------

Caitie

I know I was bitter
For something like three years
But, Caitie
Things have changed since the junior high
I've grown up
And I wonder if you have too
After all the time I hated you
At some point, I realized everything was thanks to you
Thanks to you, Caitie
For being a bitch
Thanks so much, Caitie
For sabotashing my rein
Thanks, Caitie
For kicking me out of Club Cool
I would be so lost
Yeah if I'd been cool when I was a kid
I might not have found myself
I might not have even wanted to look
'Cause I've got a will strong as fuck
But I had to build that myself
Thanks, Caitie
I've really grown to like you
In that "I never want to talk to you or see your face" way
And I wish nothing but the best plastic for you
The very best brand they make
The best life
That a girl like you can have
The bitterness is gone
Sorry, Caitie,
I know you thrived upon it
But now I've taken up politics
And this guitar
So thank you, Caitie
For saving me
From the fucking hell
That is your company

---------

My sense of humor

Three million people last year died of AIDS
Isn't that funny
They got the fag disease
Isn't that funny
The gay plauge finally brought them down
My sense of humor's lacking
I'm not even laughing
And I'm flipping you off
Just for using the word "fag"
And you're calling me a prick
Right behind my back
But I'm close enough, and I can hear
You're all asking
How come I'm not laughing
Where's my goddamned sense of humor
430,700 people died of lung cancer last year
And other tabacco complications
Isn't that funny
And every last one of them
Did it to themselves
Isn't that funny
But I'm not laughing
Where's my sense of humor
I must just not get the joke
30,000 killed themselves
Finally fed up
With all the pain
Haha ain't that funny, Guys
Where's my goddamned sense of humor
How come I'm not laughin' yet
And half that many
Were murdered
Some tied up and tortured
Left screaming on a fence
Remember Matthew Shepard
It's gonna happen again
It's never gonna end
But that's what makes it funny
They said I just don't get the joke
Where's my goddamned sense of humor
They say I've got no sense of humor
Never laugh at thier jokes
SNL's really funny, guys
But some things just doesn't getting me laughing
When graves are being dug
And you think it's funny
Maybe next time that fag'll be your brother
That smoker'll be your mother
That drinker your father
And maybe that victim on the fence
Maybe it'll be you
Damn,
Won't that be funny?
You must just not get that joke


----------

Why I don't believe in God

Hey, are you hungry, little one?
Jesus isn't here to feed you today...
Maybe tomorrow, when Mommy comes home...
A grave can't be forever.

Isn't it beautiful
That all of this happened without planning
I think it's beautiful
That we've worked our way here from nothing
Isn't it beautiful
That there was no plan and there was no God
I think it's beautiful
That chaos turned into the sunrise and flows in my dark red hair

Hey, are you lonely, little one?
God isn't here to help you today...
Maybe tomorrow, when Daddy comes home...
This pain can't be forever.

Isn't it beautiful
That all of this happened without planning
I think it's beautiful
That things are getting better every day
Isn't it beautiful
That this is all just a result of chance and DNA
I think it's beautiful
That chaos has become the sunset and dances on my fair skin

Life wouldn't be beautiful
If it was just a waiting line
Or just a testing ground
This is all there is
And once it's gone, that'll be it
That's why it's beautiful
We've made it look ugly
By inventing another

Hey, are you hungry, little one?
Hey, are you lonely, little one?
God won't feed you...
But men are trying to.
Yet men are called evil...
And God is called holy...
I say we come together...
And we worship ourselves.

Men are the heroes
That all fall apart
When we right myths
And make fairy tales
That make us look weak

Chaos made the sunrise
And chaos made the sunset
Chaos made my green eyes
Nobody planned any of this
I don't want to be somebody's painting
I'd rather be...
_ _ _ _ ...an accident

Look at what we've made!

Isn't it beautiful?

All of this came from nothing!
And chaos made this song!


-----

I am not a Rolex

Come walking up to me
Wearing a Rolex, drinking red whine
With your new girl on your arm
With her plastic smile and Barbie hair
I don't wanna hear about it
No I really don't
You can brag and you can try
But you're still a worthless man
And I would rather me alone
Than in your empty mansion's basement boycotting emotion
I am happy without you
Not regretting it yet
I remember I told you
"I am never gonna be
Your accesory!"
Hanging onto you
With a blindflond over my eyes
Did you buy her at a fancy shop
Same place you got your Rolex
Does she charge you by the hour
Such a pretty prop
Won't bother with politics
I stare at her
That's what you wanted me to be?
Thank God for my dignity!

---------

Another Pill

It only hurts the first few times
Then it feels so good you just can't get away
They've got anything and everything you could ever want
Supply you with the wicked medicine
That you need to carry on your day
Another day
Another dose
Another hit
Another pill slides down your throat
Just another lost cause
Just another overdose
Just another case of a paranoid persona
Just another care of unhealthy addiction
Just another pill
Another hit
Another dose
Another day goes by
And it's just one more pill
One more drink
One last hit
And you look back to see
It only hurt the first few times
Then it felt so good you couldn't get away
They had everything you could ever want
Supplied you with the wicked medicine
That you needed to carry on your day
Just to go on with your day
Just another day
Another dose
Another little pill
Sliding down your throat
The flame is burning out
When you're washing your hands
Scrub them as hard as you can
Scrub them till they start to bleed
But you're never gonna be clean
Cause they'll always be one more hit
Just one more dose
One more pill
One more drink
And one more overdose